Limitless, timeless, endless
by beedrums
Summary: Future fic: Quinn is a famous writer, she moved to London since she was 18, Rachel is a succesful Broadway star, what will happen when their worlds collide through a musical made out of one of Quinn's best seller novels?. Faberry.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

I have been standing in front of this white, fancy door for almost 30 minutes, I'm bouncing on my own feet, I'm so nervous, my hands are shaking and my mouth is as dry as the desert, my heart jumps inside my chest when I hear the door crack open.

"Quinn?" asks Rachel with a frown on her face, I can't answer, I want to of course but I can't so I just nod furiously.

"What are you doing in here?" she asks again and I am struggling to swallow the knot at the back of my throat it wasn't there a few minutes ago but it appeared as soon as I laid eyes on the beauty in front of me, I open and close my mouth but no sound comes out, I dry my hands on my jeans as I look up and beg whoever is up there to help me.

"I-I Rach, I... fuck" I shake my head to try and control my mind "I- I just, I need to talk to you, if" I clear my throat "you know... if that's ok" I curse myself internally, grow a fucking pair Fabray I keep reapeating on my mind, Rachel frowns and a few moments later she nods.

"Yeah, yeah ok just let me leave the garbage in there" she walks toward the dumpster and throws the big, black bag, she smiles and motions with her hand for me to enter the house, I do.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Rachel asks still smiling, I don't know where to look at, the pictures on the wall... no, bad idea, the ceiling, definetly no, the couch... mmm yeah the couch will do, I nod and take a deep breath.

"The wedding... I know I said a lot of things earlier but I'd like to explain myself if..." I swallow the almost inexistent saliva on my mouth and focus my attention on Rachel again "If that's ok with you".

"Ugh... Quinn, look I don't mean to be rude or anything but you made it pretty clear, you disagree and I understand, you think we're young and you think that we're making the wrong decision but I'm sure and I'll marry him even if it's not ok with you, or with the world really, I love him Quinn and I'm sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him" those words hurt me more than I would ever be able to explain, I could basically feel my heart break on my chest, I try to blink the tears away but it doesn't work and I'm crying now.

"Look... This... fuck, this was a huge mistake and... I think that I should go... I should've never come here in the first place" I walk toward the door when I feel Rachel's warm, soft hand on my arm.

"I'm so sorry Quinn, I'm sorry... Why are you crying?" she asks as soon as she can see my face.

"I-I'm crying because I'm an idiot... Be happy Rach" I say as I walk out the door, Rachel is on my toes though.

"Quinn I'm so sorry, please tell me whatever you wanted to say, I'm such a fool, just please, please wait" she grabs my arm again, I shake my head and take a deep breath, this couldn't be happening.

"Quinn please... Please talk to me, I know we're not the best friends in the world, but we've been through a lot and... I'm so sorry... I really want to form that bond with you, I've wanted that since I can remember" Rachel keeps talking but I stop listening, I clean my face with my right arm as I take a deep breath, I gather all the strenght I have as I look up to the sky, I can feel my tears falling down my cheeks but it's now or never.

"Rach... Rach... Rachel!" it takes three attempts and a scream to get her to stop talking, I look away because I can't do this looking into her eyes I just can't.

"Yeah?" she says, I take a deep breath as a shiver wanders my body.

"Look I'm going to tell you something and I want you... I want you to listen to me till I say everything I need to say because honestly this is eating me up Rach and I need to let it out, I need..." Rachel was in front of her again she was cleaning the tears on her cheeks.

"I'll listen" she says and I half smile.

"I-I Fuck Rach... I don't even know where to start this... I- I didn't know at first what this meant you know I thought, for years I thought that I hated you cause I felt... I feel something so strong, so undeniable toward you, I... I never knew how to deal with it, so I tortured you because for a long time I was confused, and I think, you Rach you should hate me... But you don't which make you... Fuck, I'm sorry" Rachel smiled as my body and brain were a mess.

"Don't be" Rachel whispered, I closed my eyes and a few moments later I continued.

"Rach... I'm... I am so, so fucking in love with you it's surreal and I've been since the first time I laid eyes on you, Fuck at first I didn't" I cleared my throat "I clearly didn't know how to deal with it, I kind of hated you for making me feel all of those things, then, then I- I realized, no, more like I accepted that I was, am in love with you, but... but being in love with you doesn't justify the way I treated you or how I always tried to keep boys and everybody away from you... Being in love doesn't justify me being a bitch and hurting you for all that time, I wanted..."

"Quinn..." Rachel whispered, I shook my head and cleaned my face.

"Please... Please just let me finish, I came here, fuck..." I look down and take a deep breath "I'm here to tell you that most of all I'm so, so, so fucking sorry as I said feeling something so impossibly strong toward you doesn't give me the right to choose who you are with or anything like that, I want you to know that I respect your decision, that... That the only thing that I want is for you to be happy and if Finn" I clear my throat, talkind is so difficult right now " If Finn is your happiness then... That's great" I fake smile.

"I truly wish the best for both of you, I just... I couldn't live thinking that you might hate me, and don't get me wrong if you did I'd totally understand it but I wanted you to know the other part of the story, So..." I bite my bottom lip and look at Rachel directly into her eyes "I'm sorry, and I wish you the very best, I hope the both of you make each other impossibly happy and that all of your dreams come true, I love you..." I say looking into her deep brown eyes for the first time, I smile a sad smile "and you have no idea how relieved I am to say that, you can always count on me but as I think you'd understand me being at your wedding would be suicide so I won't attend, but I wish you the best..." I start to walk down the street I look back and see her crying, I stop and walk toward her again, I take her left hand on mine and kisse her knuckles "Promise me you will be happy Rachel" I says, Rachel sobs.

"Quinn I... I didn't..." I put my index finger on her lips "shh" I say "just say you promise", Rachel nods, I kiss her forehead, mutter a silent I love you and run as fast and as far away as I can.

* * *

><p>I don't know what will happen with me I feel so out of place, she's getting married and now anything make sense so I make the decision, I'm going to go I need to put a whole ocean between us if I want to survive.<p>

"I want to go daddy, I do want to go to London like you said" I say with tears in my eyes, I can see his face softening.

"There's no need to cry baby girl you can go as soon as high school is over" I shake my head furiously and he frowns.

"I need to go now, I want to go right now!" I feel like a little girl screaming like that but I know it's the only way to crack my dad, he frowns kisses my head and nods.

"I'll get your pappers ready and make a few calls, I think it is possible for you to finish high school there and if you want it so bad then I'll make it happen" I smile and hug him.

"Thank you daddy, thank you so much!" I say and he laughs.

"Like I could ever deny you Quinnie" I sigh, kiss his cheek and run to my room...

* * *

><p><strong>Beth never happened, Quinn is still his father's eyes and this story is not show related, Quinn's POV.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and please comment.**


	2. Confusion

I take a deep breath as I climb off the airplaine this is the first time in almost ten years that I set foot on my country, my heart is beating hard, the wind feels so cold on my face, I hold onto my editor's hand for dear life because honestly I don't know what I am feeling anymore, he just smiles.

"Are you nervous sweetheart?" he asks with that sexy british accent of his, I swallow hard and nod "you shouldn't be though, your novel is amazing there's no doubt about that besides you're just going there to approve of their work, you have nothing to worry about" my chest contracts I have everything to worry about he just doesn't know anything about my past.

"You're right" I say with fake confidence in my voice, he smiles and nods.

"When am I not babe?" I smile as I try to compose myself.

* * *

><p>The taxi drive is long, I start to see the big city in all it's glory, I smile I'm not sure why but I feel proud all those big shinning billboards and then her eyes... Rachel's face looking down at everyone I feel a stab on my stomach I thought I had gotten over her but it's clear that I haven't, her smile, her grown up features, she's beautiful more beautiful than I remember.<p>

The car stops I sigh, open the door and climb off, my editor's close behind me "are you ready?" he asks as he takes my hand, I am not, I'm so not ready, I've never been less ready but I nod anyway.

A million things are rushing through my mind as we enter the building about five men walk quickly toward us, they shake my hand, I just smile "it's such a pleasure to finally meet you miss Fabray..." I stop listening, my mind is clouded, my mouth is dry and I just want to get this over with.

I haven't seen her or talked to her for ten years, yet it still feels like I talked to her yesterday maybe because I've never stopped thinking about her not a single day, it feels wrong, it feels so wrong, I play with the ring that I've been wearing for two years now on my left hand, I bite my bottom lip and look up, the director is talking non stop but I haven't heard a word, I know Rob is going to tell me all about it later anyway.

Rob shakes my shoulder lightly and I look at his beautiful blue eyes "the rehearsal is about to start, let's go sit somewhere" I nod, my hands are sweaty and I feel guilty even if I technically haven't done anything wrong.

We sit on the front row of chairs the band starts playing the first chords of the song and my skin shivers when I hear her voice for the first time in years, my eyes fill with tears it's been so long yet I still feel the same, the way my body goes numb and my mind goes completely blank, the goosebumps all over, the way my chest fills and my tears beg to be released, I feel my lips quiver, I don't want to cry, I don't want Robert to see me crying.

"Are you ok babe?" he whispers in my ear and I just nod and hold onto the chair for dear life.

* * *

><p>About an hour and a half of a rolling coaster of emotions the rehearsal is over, it was beautiful, it was perfect, I am happy, nervous, I am feeling a lot and honestly I just want to run, I don't know what to do, I don't know if I am ready to see her, yet I know that I have no choice.<p>

"Quinn this is Rachel Berry our amazingly talented star" he says and my heart stops beating, thank God I am still sitting on the chair because other wise I think my knees would give up on me, I hear Robert's voice as I try to gather enough strenght and self control to stand up.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Rachel you were amazing up there, my name is Robert I am Quinn's editor and husband" my stomach drops to my knees and I want to throw up, I take a deep breath and stand up.

"Hi" I breath out and kick myself internally, nice job Fabray I think, I swallow hard and finally look at her in the eyes for the first time in ten years, God she's beautiful, she has a big smile on her face and before I know it her arms are around my neck and the only think I can do is wrap mine around her waist.

"Quinn is so good to see you" she whispers into my ear and I could be dead now, she smells amazing, like flowers and stars and magic.

"It's good to see you too" I whisper back as I feel her arms letting go of my neck.

"I was so excited when my manager told me about this, I've read all your books, they are amazing and just... I love being a part of this" she says and my body gets warm all over I wasn't as excited when I heard that she was going to play the lead of the production, honestly I was more nervous than anything "I know we haven't talked in what?" she frowns and I bite my bottom lip because I know that it is my fault that we haven't talked in all this years but I just couldn't talk to her it was so difficult "a decade almost?" she asks, I nod and she smiles "I feel so proud of you, you are so talented I never thought of you as the writer type but I was wrong... I was so wrong" she bites her bottom lip and looks down.

"I feel proud of you too Rachel, look at you, you're a star just like you always said you would and just to be clear I did thought of you as the star type" I say and she laughs and in that moment I feel like I've conquered the world.

"We should go out and have dinner, you know catch up, I would love to hear what you've been up to you know besides writting and getting married" she says, looks at Robert with a weird look on her face then back at me.

I nod out of pure instinct, she squeals and Robert looks at me with a frown on his face.

"I know a great restaurant a few blocks from here we should go there" I smile, play with my wedding band and look at Robert he has his I'm confused out of my mind look on his face, I swallow hard and look back at those beautiful brown eyes "he can come too" she says.

"No... No" he says "you go, I'll go to the hotel, I am tired" he kisses my forehead and walks out the teather I know that he's mad, I have a lot of explaining to do.

"Shall we go?" she asks with a big smile on her face, I just nod, say good bye and thank you to the crew, grab my purse and start to walk with her by my side.

She's talking probably a thousand words per minute, I have a huge smile firmly plastered on my face, I don't care about the cold wind, the lights, all the noises that I hate, I just care about this moment and about what I am feeling it makes me feel bad but so good at the same time, it just feels natural, meant to be.

* * *

><p>I am sitting in front of her I'm watching her lips move, her beautiful eyes shine as bright as the moonlight, her perfect skin, her perfect whole being, she grabs the glass of water with her left hand and my heart skips a beat, she's not wearing a wedding band, I frown.<p>

"Finn?" I whisper, she smiles and shakes her head.

"We never got married Quinn I haven't seen him or heard of him since" she shrugs her shoulders and looks at me directly in the eyes "since high school was over I guess" I swallow hard and sip my wine to try and ease the dryness of my throat.

"Why?" I am so confused, she smiles and looks away.

"I... I realized that..." she shakes her head and sips her water again "I realized that it just wasn't a good idea" she laughs and I do too.

"Do you..."

"Love him, miss him?" she interrupts me and I nod "no... Well I care about him a lot I mean I always will I think he'll always have a special place in my heart but no I don't love him I don't think I ever did to be honest, I just... I just thought..." she smiles and clears her throat "ok enough about me... You did get married, so tell me about that" she says, looks at me and I feel my heart stop beating, she takes a sip of her water.

"Uhm..." I don't know what to say I don't even know why I married him to be honest I clear my throat and take a deep breath "Robert worked as an editor for the company that contracted me so we met there and we just instantly became friends, we spent a lot of time together and the next thing I knew was that my dad was walking me down the aisle I don't even know how it happened" I can't read the expression on her face and it is making me go nuts, a few moments later she smiles and nods.

"You've got this mixed accent, you almost sound british is... Sexy" she blushes and looks away, I smile and bite my bottom lip.

"I've been in London for almost a decade" Rachel laughs and I feel my heart beat harder "stop making fun of me" I say, she puts her right hand on her chest.

"Sorry" she says and I try to hide my smile "so... Why did you decided to go to London?" I swallow hard as I feel my stomach drop to my knees, I clear my throat and look away.

"I... I was going through... I think you know the answer" my hands start to shake again, I see her looking at me and I have to look away.

"Did you mean what you said that night?" she asks me with a barely audible whisper, my heart is going wild and so is my mind.

"Yeah" she nods and looks down, I clear my throat I don't even know what to think.

"Tell me..." I clear my throat "tell me about your first play and how you got here and all that, I'd love to hear that" I say to try and soften the ambient of course I know, I already know everything that has happened in her professional life but she doesn't need to know that, she looks at me and smiles.

"Well after Finn and I broke up and..." she takes a deep breath "I focused completely on my career, I got into NYADA, I started to audition everywhere I could until I landed a part on an off Broadway production the story was good, we got good reviews and after a few months we made it to Broadway, I worked there until six months ago... I just got lucky" she smiles and shrugs her shoulders.

"You didn't got lucky Rach, it was just meant to be, you and Broadway were meant to be" I say and she nods and sighs.

"Yeah I guess, what about you, when did you start writting?" she asks and I smile.

"I started when I was about eleven I think, it started as a game for me, you know it was fun and it made me forget about the world, then I did it to get rid of my emotions and then just because I couldn't stop... It's good that I'm getting paid for it" Rachel laughs and nods.

"I totally understand that feeling... I am enamored by your story Quinn, really you're an amazing writer, I think this musical is going to be huge, I know it's a love story but I've always wanted to ask you how did you come up with it" I swallow hard and drum my fingers on the table.

"Well I just, I like to create imaginary, perfect worlds in which love is stronger and truer than any other thing, I like to think that maybe, somewhere in the world there are two people that are just meant to be that no matter how much happens between them, how many things they have to go trough their love is just... Limitless, timeless, endless" I hear her sigh and look away.

"That... That was beautiful, you, you really have a way with the words, don't you?" I feel myself blushing and a smile appears on my lips.

"Do you..." she clears her throat again "do you have kids?" she asks and I shake my head furiously.

"God no!" I say and she laughs again "I... I just don't know I don't think that I would be a good mother" she smiles and I do too.

"For how long have you been married?" I clear my throat and take a sip of my wine.

"Two years" I say and she nods.

"Wow... Are you happy?" I frown as my mouth opens and closes "fuck" she says as she gets up the table "I am so sorry I should've never asked that, I am sorry, I should go" she puts a few dollars on the table and walks away.

I suddenly feel empty and confused, I grab my purse, put my coat on and walk out, the cold wind hits me hard on the face I pull my coat tighter onto my body and stop a cab.

* * *

><p>I am standing outside the white door with big golden numbers, I sigh as I slide the card on the lock.<p>

He's sitting on the bed in only his boxers, I lean into the door and bite my bottom lip

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks and I feel my chest contract.

"I..."

"Who is she Quinn?" he gets up the bed and walks toward me.

"She's the lead..."

"Oh don't play dumb with me" he says and I know that he's more than mad.

"She's an old friend" I whisper and he nods.

"Where did you two meet?"

"High school" I respond quickly.

"Why didn't you mention her before?" he asks frowning.

"I just didn't think it was important" I lie.

"Do you like her?" he asks frowning and I shake my head no, he smiles grabs my face between his hands and kisses my lips then my neck, my jaw line.

I push him lightly and he sighs.

"You haven't let me touch you in weeks Quinn what the hell is going on?" he asks and I just look down.

"I am tired that's all I'm sorry but not today" the truth is that ever since I knew that I would see Rachel again I just can't, I can't be with him, it doesn't feel right, he turns around, goes to the bathroom and closes the door with a loud bang, I just sigh and look up.

I don't know how I got here, how I got to this point of my life, I don't know why I fell in love with a girl when I was sixteen and now I am standing here and twenty eight still feeling the same way about her.

Life has a weird way of showing you that you have no control whatsoever in your heart, you can't choose who you fall in love with, you can't choose how long you're going to be in love with them.

Sometimes I ask myself why am I still lingering on a girl that never even gave me a reason to believe that we could be a possibility and I always came up with the same conclusion, loving Rachel was never choice.

I married Robert because he meant stability, he meant making my parents happy, he meant that I would never have to be alone again but there's the flaw I've never felt lonelier than when I am with him...

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words it really means a lot to me. Please comment and let me know what you think.<strong>


	3. Confession

The cab leaves me in front of the building again, I take a deep breath as I climb of, my mind is going wild, I'm supposed to go back to London in a few hours I don't even know what I am doing here, I look up and shake my head because of course I know what I am doing here, I need to see her and I need her to tell me why she said what she said and why she was acting so strange I might be over thinking this but I just have to know.

I open the front door with my trembling hand and I sigh, she's the first thing I hear, I feel my stomach drop to my knees and I sigh and take a sit in the back row of chairs just like I used to when I was younger, I would just sit there and hear her sing her heart out, it was beautiful, still is.

* * *

><p>About forty minutes later the rehearsal is over she runs backstage and I just sit there waiting.<p>

She comes out with a pair of jeans on, a baggy sweatshirt and a messy bun I smile because even like that she's still the most beautiful woman in the world, she walks to the door and I take a deep breath to try and control my nerves.

"Rachel" I say with a timid voice, she immediately turns around and smiles.

"Quinn, what are you doing here?" she asks with a sweet voice and I can just smile and look down.

"I wanted to talk to you if that's ok" I say and she nods.

"Sure, maybe... Do you mind going to my house?, I have to be there because I have a delivery" I shake my head.

"Of course I don't mind" she smiles her biggest smile.

"Let's go then" she says and I follow her to the exit then through the busy streets of New York city, I sigh I've never liked this city it's just too busy, too noisy for my liking, I have to admit it's beautiful it's just not for me.

"I will never understand how you people go through this on a daily basis and manage to not kill each other eveyday" Rachal laughs and I feel my heart beat a little faster.

"Come on Quinn whatever happened to the girl that loved crowds" she asks and I shake my head and try to suppress my smile.

"She got tired of being a superficial asshole I guess" Rachel laughs again and once again I feel like I've conquered the world, her smile is beautiful, so is her laugh and the rest of her, I look up to the sky and try to get the loving thoughts out of my head.

"You were never an asshole Quinn, you were just scared, you wanted approval like everyone in the world, yeah maybe you went a little too far" she shrugs her shoulders and playfully hits my arm, I just smile "but you're one of the sweetest, best persons I've ever met in my life... We're here" she says as she grabs my hand and leads me through the lobby of a big elegant building.

"Good afternoon Miss Berry" she looks at the dark skinned man smiles and waves her hand.

"Good afternoon Thomas, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Rachel, I'm just Rachel" the man smiles and nods.

"Sorry Miss... Rachel" she nods furiously and smiles.

"Exactly, have a great day"

"You too M... Rachel" she laughs and waves her hand again, she leads me to an elevator and clicks the eighth floor, I start to play with my own fingers because I don't know what to do or say for that matter, I'm nervous, I'm always nervous around her I don't know why she still makes me feel this way.

"Right here" she says as she slides an electronic key on the doorknob, 854 big black numbers on the blue door, I sigh "come in" she orders and I quickly make my way to her living room, I smile because this is so her, the Broadway posters, her Tonny, the big flat TV screen the neat placement of the decoration, the dark floors and the kitchen.

"Your home is beautiful" I say.

"Thank you, can I offer you something to drink?" I nod, I could use some hydration since whenever she's close my mouth seems to dry to the core.

"Just water" she nods and makes her way to the kitchen, I stay right where I am and examine every inch of the apartment, it isn't big but it isn't small either, it's kind of the perfect size actually, the white walls and the colorful furniture, the summery smells, it just fits her perfectly.

She comes back moments later with a cup and a glass of water, she gives me the water then she sits on the blue couch and smiles at me.

"Will you stay there the whole afternoon?" she mocks me, I blush and smile then I sit on the black couch next to her.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asks in the most casual of the ways and I feel my heart stop beating, I look around and focus on the flowers on her coffee table.

"Yesterday's night" I whisper and I hear her clear her throat.

"Look I am so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable I never meant for it to sound like it did and I am so incredibly sorry the question... It was way out of line, I just... I was surprised I... I just" she looks down and focuses on the cup of coffee between her hands.

"You just what?" I ask with confusion in my voice and she looks up to me.

"I didn't... Whenever I thought about seeing you again you were never married, it just... It took me by surprise that's all" my stomach drops to my knees as I swallow the sip of water that I just took.

"You thought about seeing me?" I ask and I feel so pathetic at the way it sounded, she looks at me and nods, then she looks away and blushes a little.

"More than I'd like to admit" she says still looking away and I thank God that she can't see me because I am a mess, I look up as I try to contain my feelings.

"Why?" I whisper and she looks at me again with a sparkle in her eyes that wasn't there minutes ago, she smiles and looks down again.

"When the most beautiful girl in the world confesses that she's in love with you the night after your wedding and then she goes away to live in the other side of the world and becomes my favorite writer it kind of puts things into perspective you imgine what could have happened if she just had told you before or what would happen if you see her again... And just when I imagined that, when I imagined seeing you again it wasn't like this" she says with a tone that I've never heard before, I clear my thorat as my eyes water a little I don't know what to think my head is clouded.

"Is... Is that why you didn't married him?" I ask with a barely audible whisper and she nods slowly.

"That was a part... I was uhm... I was young and my self esteem wasn't good even if I made it look like I had it all figured out, I didn't" she clears her throat and looks at me "he was the first person that made me feel special, that made me feel kind of loved besides from my parents of course, we were graduating that year and I thought that as soon as school was over I was going to lose him and with him every hope that I had of sharing my life with someone so I decided to marry him for all the wrong reasons and then you came to my house that night" she looks down again and it makes my heart hurt "and you told me that you were in love with me, you of all people, you the most beautiful girl that I've ever met and you made me realize that I had options, that I didn't have to settle with someone just because I was scared, also I thought that Finn didn't deserved to be with someone that didn't truly love him because he's a good guy and he deserved to marry someone that loved him with all his flaws" there's tears running down my face I quickly clean them off I don't want her to see me cry.

"I broke up with him the next morning I told him that we were making a huge mistake and he understood I think he didn't even know what a huge deal getting married was" she chuckles and I smile and try to contain my tears "then I went to your house because I needed answers but your mom told me that you were on your way to England that you were going to be there for a long time, I tried to contact you but your phone didn't work of course... Maybe the distance, you deleted all your internet accounts so I just stopped trying" I shake my head I should've talked to her but I couldn't I was so broken hearted, hearing her voice would just make it worst.

"I would still like to hear some answers though if that's ok with you" she asks and I feel my heart drop to my knees I don't know if I am ready for this what if she asks if I am still in love with her... I shake my head, swallow hard and gather every bit of strength that I have.

"Ask away" I whisper and she smiles.

"Well you already answered this one but I have to ask again did you mean it?" I nod and bite my bottom lip.

"Yeah" I say and she nods and sips her coffee.

"Since when?" I try swallow the knot at the back of my throat with a little water.

"Sophomore year I think, maybe before that but I knew when you started to date Finn and I was so jealous... And not because of him" she blushes, smiles and looks away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I shrug my shoulders.

"I was scared because of everything it meant, I thought it was wrong I was 16 and with all the religion stuff and my parents, I knew that they would desown me if they knew also I thought that you wouldn't be interested you were all over Finn, I am sorry Rachel I let the hurt that I was feeling transform me into a total bitch and you didn't deserve that and I'll always be sorry" she nods and smiles.

"You're forgiven" she jokes and I smile and take a sip of my water again my hands are shaking and I'm prying for her to not notice.

"So I am guessing you're bi since you're married to a man?" she asks with a frown on her face and I choke on my water, she laughs as I cough.

"Are you ok?" she asks with an amused tone and I nod.

"Yeah" I blush.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to" she says and I shake my head.

"No it's ok" I take a few moments to think because I don't know what to tell her, I've never been attracted to anyone but her maybe because I was always so busy thinking about stories and her, it was everything I thought about I don't even know how I ended up married to Robert, I take a deep breath and rub my hands on my legs "yeah... Yeah I think I am bi" she nods and smirks.

"You think?" I blush and smile I just can't believe her sometimes so I nod.

"I don't believe you" she whispers and I look away and focus on the flowers again.

"What do you want me to say?" I say and she sighs.

"The truth maybe?" she says and I shake my head "why did you married him?" she asks and I bite my bottom lip, she sighs again and stands up.

"The day that I went to look for you in your house and your mom opened the door she gave me journals and dozens of letters that you wrote for me, she said that you told her to throw them away but since they were addressed to me she decided to do the right thing and give them to me, I've read them all Quinn" she looks away and I feel like I am about to pass out, I feel like someone just throw a bucket of iced water on my face, I didn't even remembered that I had wrote those things "you became my favorite writer even before you released your first book, I remeber every word..." I see tears slide down her face and I am sure that I will pass out any minute, I swallow hard and look up this can't be happening.

"You said that you fell in love with me the first time that you looked at me, you said that you have never been attracted to anyone else, you said that you could get lost in my eyes and that my voice made you fly and touch the sky, you said that no one will ever made you feel the way I did and you said... You said that you would wait for me... That you could never be with anybody else... I..." she turns around and walks to the kitchen and I want to go with her I want to explain even if I have no idea of what to say, my body feels numb.

A few minutes passed by and she hasn't come back I take a deep breath to try and steady my nerves then get up the couch, I walk and I see her leaning onto the sink.

"Are you ok?" I ask and she shakes her head "what... What can I do?" she shakes her head again I hear her sigh and then she turns around her face is covered in tears and I feel million stabs on my chest.

"I... I fell in love with that girl Quinn, with the girl that wrote all those things about me, she's the sweetest most amazing person I've ever met that's why I wanted to find you so desperately, I got mad I got mad at you for not telling me before and for running away when you did and at me for not noticing... When I-I when my manager told me that we were making one of your books I was beyond happy because I knew that I was going to see you and then... We could've been happy, we could've have a life together..." My face is blank my whole body is trembling, I'm feeling it all right now "and now you're married and now any of it is possible..." she sobs and I feel so stupid I clean my face and try to hug her but she raises her hand to stop me.

"Please... Please don't... I... Go please I can't do this, just go please" I feel like the world is over like my life has just los every meaning it could have, I walk out of the kitchen slowly I know that I am making the biggest mistake of my life, I touch the ring on my left hand and sigh, I grab my purse look around the apartment one last time, I take a deep breath and walk out the door.

I see Thomas in there he smiles at me but I can't smile back I feel so confused I am quite sure that this is a dream, this can't be happening, what I heard couldn't be true.

It's weird how when you've wanted something so bad for the most part of your life and it finally happens you don't even know how to react, you don't know how to deal with it so you close up, your own body and mind decides to betry you and you run you run because you can't deal with it.

* * *

><p>I enter the hotel room I see the suitcases already packed.<p>

"Hey you are here, we have to go, you have a meeting with the company tomorrow morning, are you ready?" he turns around and stops when he sees my face "why are you crying?" I shake my head and lose the battle with the tears again.

He hugs me and I cry on his shoulder I don't know why I am feeling, I know what I want actually I do what I want it's to go back to the apartment and finally be with her, finally be happy but I can't.

"Hey what's wrong?"

"Nothing" I cry out "just hug me" I say I need the comfort, I need to get my shit together I need to think.

* * *

><p>The airplane takes off and I feel my heart break out of my chest and settle on New York I sigh and look out the window, I feel empty...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading and please le me know what you think, thank you again :). <strong>


	4. New beginning

I'm rolling around in my bed, it's been three months since I last saw that beautiful face, and those deep brown eyes that swallow me whole, I sigh and get up the bed I haven't been able to sleep in weeks, I am tired physically and emotionally, my brain is a fucking mess, I don't understand why am I such a fucking coward afraid of going for what I want afraid of being truly happy for the first time in my life.

I hear my cellphone ringing loudly on the nightstand I pick it up and hear Robert growling, he sits on the bed and rubs his eyes.

"Hello" I say as I walk out of the room with an apologetic look on my face.

"Hey Quinnie! how are you?" I hear my mother's voice and it calms me down a little, I take a deep breath and smile it's good to hear her.

"Hi mom, I am great what about you?" I can hear my dad cooking and it makes me smile, I really miss them.

"Oh we're good too baby, we miss you, you should come visit honey, it's been years, we're always traveling to England I think it's your turn" I sigh and lean into the wall.

"Yeah I know mom I'll be there as soon as I can ok? I promise" I look up, I don't know why but my eyes are filled with tears I put my hand on top of my stomach and take a deep breath to try and keep the tears at bay.

"That's ok baby we know you're busy we just wanted to say hi, have a great day honey I'll talk to you later" I nod even though I know she can't see me.

"We love you Quinnie!" I hear my dad scream and my heart swells, the line dies and I feel the hole in my chest grow.

I sigh again and walk into the room, I need to get out of here I need to walk and clear my mind and I need to stop thinking things that sadly will never be.

I change into yoga pants a loose tank top and a hoodie, I put my tennis shoes on and make my way to the door again.

"Quinn?" I hear Rob's raspy morning voice.

"Yeah"

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"I'm going for a walk then I'll visit Margaret I think I'll be there for a while, don't wait for me Rob" I see him nod.

"What time are you coming back?" He says with his face still on the pillow.

"I don't know five maybe later"

"In the afternoon?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah Mag and I have a lot to talk about" I bite my bottom lip and look down.

"Fine have fun sweetheart and say hi for me" the nick name makes my stomach stir, I need to get out of here soon.

I grab my coat and my purse and walk out the front door, the air is chilly but it makes me smile, I need this I need to be alone and sort my feelings out, I need to really think about what I am going to do next.

* * *

><p>I stop at a little coffee shop that I find on my way, places like this always make me smile, the warmth, the way all those stories revolve around me it always inspire me and God I need inspiration right now I'm supposed to release another book in seven months and I haven't written a thing, I can't, I don't know what is going on with me every time that I sit in front of my computer and try to write nothing comes out, I just stay there staring at the blank page for hours with just one thought in my mind...<p>

I order a coffee and try to think about anything else even if it doesn't work, it never fucking works.

* * *

><p>I don't know how much time has passed but I am tired and I need to sleep, I don't even try to go visit Mag I can't, what am I supposed to tell her, hey Mag I am not in love with your brother never have been in fact I've been in love with a girl since I was a teenager and turns out she's in love with me too but I am too much of a chicken shit to do something about it also I am thinking about divorce what do you think? it's a good idea isn't it? I sigh as I unlock the door to our apartment.<p>

I frown, I hear Robert growl and... Yeah I know those noises far too well, my mouth dries, my hands start to shake and I can't move.

"Just like that!" I hear a girl scream and that takes me out of my trance, I make my way toward the bedroom and open the door slowly even though I know exactly what is going on.

My eyes fill with tears when I see him having sex on my bed with another woman, I swallow hard my knees are trembling.

"Get out of my bed and my house both of you" I say with a calm tone, Robert jumps out of bed the girl covers herself with a blanket gets up the bed faster than I thought possible and runs out of the room.

"Quinn let me explain baby... You... I... You haven't let me touch you in months I am..." I look up and shake my head.

"You have to be fucking kidding me Robert don't you dare blame me, that has nothing to do with anything" he walks toward me and I shake my head again I am more angry than hurt to be honest.

"I'm a man I have, I have needs and, you have to understand, Quinn this doesn't mean a thing" I sigh and look up, I just can't believe him.

"Just get out, get the fuck out of my house" His tears start to slide down his face as he kneels in front of me.

"Please Quinn, please don't do this to us, I love you so much and I... You weren't supposed to be here, you can't..."

"Stop! just fucking stop, don't do this is pathetic, get out of my house and don't you dare come back" he shakes his head and tries to grab my hand but I avoid it.

"No Quinn no please don't do this" I take a deep breath I am so angry... No, actually no I don't even know what I am feeling.

"You know what Rob, I am going out and I'll come back in 5 hours and when I come back I want you and that girl out of my house and of my life, you take everything you own with you because you won't ever put a foot in this house again, I'll send the divorce papers with my lawyer..." I shake my head because this all feels surreal "I don't want to see your face again" I take the ring my ring off and throw it at his face.

"Quinn!" He screams but I run out of the apartment as fast as I can.

* * *

><p>I am sitting in the middle of the hotel room bed, I'm confused because yeah it hurts but not because I loved him but because I feel betrayed but at the same time I feel relieved too, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, I am playing with my cellphone between my hands, I bite my bottom lip because I don't know what to do the possibilities are endless and it makes me smile like really smile for the first time in months.<p>

I take a deep breath and nod, I need to get out of here, I am going back to Lima and I'll stay with my parents for a few days and then, then... Well time will say.

I open the airline page on my phone and buy a ticket to Columbus.

It's done there's no coming back, no more avoiding the past, no more running from my feelings, no more focusing on my work to forget how unhappy with my personal life I am.

I smile because for the first time in years I feel free, I feel happy, I feel like I can do whatever the heck I want.

* * *

><p>The plane lands in Columbus and my heart is beating hard it's been ten years since I was last in Lima I know that a million memories are awaiting for me and it makes me nervous and excited at the same time.<p>

I rent a car because I want this to be a surprise for my parents, I'll stay the night here and drive to Lima tomorrow morning, I can't wait to see them I can't wait to see my sister and I can't wait to meet my little nieces, I wonder why the hell I didn't do this sooner, oh right because I am a pussy and I didn't want to confront my past.

I park in front of my parents house and about a thousand memories flood my mind, it makes my chest clench and my heart beat a little faster.

I walk and ring the doorbell, my mother opens it and her expression makes me so happy, she smiles and puts her hand on her chest.

"Oh my God you are here! Russell, Russell come here! hurry up, Quinnie is here, she's really here" I laugh as my mother wraps her arms around my neck I hug her back as tight as I can, she lets me go, grabs my hand and drags me into the house, I smile because it is still the same, is exactly as I remember it, the walls are the same color, the furniture, the smell... I feel my father's arms wrap around my waist and he lifts me up, I bury my face on the neck of the only man that I've ever loved and inhale, he smells like mint, cigars and safety, he puts me down and puts his hands on both of my cheeks.

"My beautiful beautiful baby girl, you're really here, it's been years Quinn you have no idea how happy you make us" I smile as tears slide down my face, I feel happy.

I talk on and on about my work and London I avoid everything they ask about Robert and I talk about Broadway instead, the look on their faces are priceless and the food is just amazing I had forgotten that my mother is one of the best cooks in the world.

I don't have the heart to tell them about Robert at least not today, today I just want to enjoy this and store it into my best memories book.

* * *

><p>The next morning I open my eyes slowly, it takes me a minute to realize where I am, I try to rub the sleep out of my eyes as I look at the clock on the nightstand 12:30 I read in big red numbers, I smile because this is the first night that I've been able to sleep like a human being in months.<p>

I get up the bed and take a quick shower then make my way downstairs.

"Good morning sleeping beauty" I hear my mother's soft voice and it makes me smile.

"Robert has been calling all morning sweetheart I think you should call him, he sounded worried" I shake my head, sit on the bar stool and put my head between my hands.

"Is something wrong Quinn?" she asks and I sigh.

"I... Where's daddy"

"He's working, what's going on sweetie?" I look up to her beautiful blue eyes and I bite my bottom lip I don't want to tell her.

"Nothing's wrong mom" I lie and she frowns.

"Baby you're my daughter and I know you more than I know myself so don't even try to go there with me" I half smile, grab her hand and squeeze it.

"We're... We're getting a divorce" she lifts her right eyebrow as she bites her lip, she walks away from me and sighs then walks toward me again with a frown on her face.

"Is Rachel isn't it?" she whispers and my stomach drops to my knees "oh sweetheart I knew this was going to happen as soon as you told me about the musical, this... How are you?" I frown as my mouth opens and closes.

"I... I have no idea what you're talking about" she smiles and takes my hand between hers.

"Honey... Don't play dumb with me" I shake my head as I look into her eyes for answers but I find none.

"He, he cheated on me mom, so no whatever you're thinking is not, it is not the reason" she frowns again and flushes.

"That son of a... When?... Oh my God, honey I am so sorry" she walks around the bar and hugs me, I put my head on her chest.

"It's ok mom, really it's ok, don't worry" she runs soothing circles on my back and it makes me smile because I think that she's more upset than I am.

"Quinn can I ask you something?" I nod and she kisses my head "you have to promise that you'll answer with the truth and nothing but the truth" I nod again.

"I promise" she takes a deep breath.

"Were you ever in love with Robert?" I shake my head no and I feel her nod against my head, she takes a deep breath and speaks again "are you..." she clears her throat "are you in love with a girl?" I feel my whole body tense up, she lets me go and forces me to look at her in the eyes.

I don't know what to do I don't know how to react, what... What the fuck am I supposed to do, grow a pair Fabray I think, she smiles and nods.

"That's all the answers I needed honey" she walks toward the stove and puts a pan on it, my mouth is dry and I don't know what is going on this couple of days have been fucking insane, I think that I am dreaming that I will wake up and nothing of this will be real, no New York, no Lima non of this.

"She's here you know" moments later she says and my heart jumps in my chest "she's here for their hollidays, that hanakku thing or whatever is called if..." she clears her throat "you should maybe talk to her" she says with a barely audible tone and I feel my whole body tremble.

She turns the stove on and walks toward me again, I can't move.

"Look Quinn, I've known about this..." she looks away "I know about this for a long time now, at first... At first I tried to deny it, I... Just know this baby I love you, I love you just the way you are and I am happy that... That you finally got out of an unhappy marriage and I am glad that you did things the right way, I am so proud of you and I want you to be happy, you deserve it and I'll be here, I'll support whatever decision you make..." she looks me in the eyes I think she wants me to say something but I can't think my mind is failing me so hard, my body is trembling from head to toe and I have absolutely no idea of what to do.

She kisses my forehead "I am doing this because you deserve to be happy and... Look I am not saying go and confess your undying love or start a relationship because you're just getting out of a marriage an unhappy marriage but a marriage, and that would be stupid of you if you ask me, what I am saying is talk and just you know... This, you live on the other side of the world Quinn and this, maybe this... Look what I am trying to say is that this might be the last chance you have to see her and talk to her and you've already wasted so much time... You get what I am saying don't you Quinn?" I nod and she smiles and makes her way to the stove again.

My heart is beating hard who is this woman and what did she do to my mother, now I am completely sure that I am dreaming this can't be happening, this just can't be happening.

* * *

><p>I am standing in front of the white fancy door for the second time in my life, I bite my bottom lip, I've lost count of the minutes that I've been standing in here, I feel like a teenager again, my hands shaking, my lungs contracted and my heart beating like crazy.<p>

I look up and beg for strength I close my eyes, bite my lip and softly knock on the door like silently begging for them to not hear.

I hear the door crack open moments later and my heart drops, she is standing in front of me again just like the first time with a frown on her face.

"Quinn?"...

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading! I would love if you let me know what you think.<strong>

P.S next chapter I'll start with full faberry interaction I'm sorry if this is tedious to read but I needed to write it. THANKS AGAIN :).


	5. First step

My mouth is dry I can't answer so I just nod, she smiles and bites her bottom lip.

"What... What are you doing here?" she asks and I can't speak I feel like I am about to pass out, I look up and breath as deep as I can.

"I, I-I just needed to talk to you if, if you know if that's ok with you" She nods and opens the door completely to let me in, I walk in and her house is the same as the last time almost a decade ago it makes me smile and calm down a little.

"Are you here for thanksgiving day?" she says and I shake my head.

"Rachel would you be a good daughter and eat my awesome dish or do I have to make you a salad again?" her dad walks into the living room and drops the wood spoon he was holding, his eyes open wide.

"You are Quinn, aren't you?" I can just nod, he smiles and looks at Rachel.

He offers me his hand with a smile on his face and I take it with my shaky and sweaty right hand, he smiles and there's something in his eyes that I can't read but it gives me confidence somehow.

"I, pff I forgot to buy onions how stupid of me, I have to go to the store I'll take your dad with me he has always been better at choosing vegetables" Rachel chuckles and nods.

"Thanks dad" he looks at us back and forth smiles and walks out of the living room.

I hear him scream his husband's name and moments later they walk out of the house, the door closes behind them and my body is numb, I can't move, Rachel looks back at me and my heart jumps.

"Do you want something to drink?" I nod slowly and she smiles and makes her way to the kitchen.

She comes back moments later with two cups and hands me one, I take it with my shaky left hand and mutter a silent thank you, she sits down in one of the living room couches and looks at me.

"Do you want to sit down?" she asks with a sweet tone, I nod and bite my bottom lip I don't even know what to say, I don't know where to begin, I don't know shit, I sit down slowly and try to focus on anything but her beautiful face I look up and I hear her clearing her throat.

"Quinn I... What are you doing here?" my mouth is dry, I take a sip of my water and try to swallow the knot at the back of my throat I take a deep breath and try to speak.

"I-I don't even know where to start to be honest" I look away and focus on the floor as I try to think about something clever to say, something that makes her understand.

"I just... I" I curse myself internally swallow hard and speak again.

"Rachel have you... Have you ever wanted something so bad for the most part of your life and when in comes true you just, you just have no idea what to do with it, you are so stupidly terrified because you know that if you lose it you would never be able to forgive yourself, you know that it is the most beautiful and special thing that has ever happened or will ever happen to you for that matter and if you lose it... If you lose it, it-t it is terrifying and suddenly you're stuck in this never ending roller coaster of feelings and thoughts and you are so afraid to be happy because you just forgot how... In your mind you had already accepted that it would never ever happen and then, then it does happen and you just freak out, you freak out because it just seems impossible, it seems like a dream a beautiful and scary dream from where you will wake up at any minute and it will all be gone so you choose easy, you choose what you know not because it makes you happy but because it's easy and it's all you know and then... Then something happens and you... And suddenly you understand that happiness isn't something to be scared of, happiness is a choice and life has it's own weird way of showing you the way out, life has..."

"Quinn" her voice interrupts my rambling I look at her and she has a confused look on her face it makes me feel sick.

"Yeah" I whisper and she shakes her head with a frown firmly placed on her face.

"What... What are you trying to say?, this is, this is just so confusing, look I should've never said anything you... You are married and I should respect that" I bite my bottom lip, shake my head and look away again, I can't look her in the eye or I will just end up crying, I take a deep breath and talk again.

"Don't, don't ever apologize for that ever again Rachel that..." I look into her eyes.

"What I am trying to say is that... Is that I am a coward, I am... Sadly I am a person that, look... I am" I clear my throat look up and beg for strength and for it to be a good decision, I look at her and get lost in those beautiful deep brown eyes again.

"I am in love with you" I shrug my shoulders and smile.

"I've been in love with you since I can remember and..." I look away again because my eyes are swimming in tears and I don't want her to see me crying.

"and I've always been a coward... I haven't done anything, absolutely anything to be with you and it makes me feel sick, it makes want to hit myself with a bat in the head, because who does that, who runs away from love, I should have told you before you got engaged ten years ago, I should have stayed three months ago, I should have divorced Robert but..." I can't stop the tears from falling down my face, talking is getting difficult.

"I am a coward... I am a coward because I am so afraid Rachel, I am still so afraid of getting hurt because you have my heart, you have had my heart between your hands for years now and... And it is, it is just so scary because you can crush me, you can..."

"Stop... Just stop" she gets up and walks around the living room.

"You can't do this Quinn, you can't just come here and tell me all of those things... You...It hurts me..." the tone in her voice makes me want to throw up.

"You're still married for fucks sakes, please... Please go" she walks away and this time I follow because as my mom said this might be my last chance and I won't fuck it up, I won't fuck it up this time.

"I am not married... I mean I am but I won't be... fuck" I curse myself because really smooth Fabray good job "I left him" she turns around and the look on her face gives me butterflies.

"You what?" she asks with a frown on her face and tears in her eyes.

"I left him" I whisper and she bites both of her lips to try and suppress her smile but she fails, she fails so hard and it makes me warm all over.

"Why?, when, h-how?" she asks I bite my bottom lip and get a little closer to her.

"Just like... Like three days ago I think... Humm... Remember what I was saying that life has weird ways of showing you the way out?" she nods and I clear my throat.

"Well I was, I was thinking about getting a divorce since... Well basically since the day I married him I guess, but I've always been such, I've always been coward so I never did... And then you... You happened and then we talked and... I... Well let's just say that life showed me the way out, the cowards way out but out and thank God it did because... Because"

"Because?" she asks with a little voice that melts my heart, I smile as goose bumps and bitterflies cover my whole body.

"Because now I can try and be happy for the first time in my life" I whisper, she smiles and I feel like everything fell into the right place in that exact moment, her eyes lock into mine and my head is spinning.

"Happy how?" she says with the sweetest voice I've ever heard.

"By... By growing a pair and finally maybe if you still want to of course and I am not saying that we... Like... We don't..." she laughs and I feel my whole chest warming, she looks away and bites her bottom lip I smile.

"Quinn you're rambling" I blush and she smiles her widest smile "and I want to, whatever you wanted to say I want to... I still want to" that statement makes me the happiest woman in the world and I can only imagine what my life will be like from now on.

"I am not saying that we should just... You know, at least not until the divorce is over because you deserve that you deserve it all and I will try my best to be that for you I'll try to..." Her arms wrap around my neck and her body crashes into mine, I feel her breath so close to my neck it is intoxicating.

"I want to kiss you, I want to kiss you so bad" she whispers into my ear, I swallow hard and I just can't believe this is happening, I wrap my arms around her waist, I feel her shaking a little and it makes me go numb, it makes me stop thinking, I drag my hands up her back and shoulders and settle them on her neck, I look at her directly into her eyes, her hands are now firmly plased in both sides of my hips, I lick my lips and I see her biting her bottom one and that's all it takes for me to give in, to stop fighting and just lean down...

"Rachel honey..." my heart jumps out of my chest I take a quick step back and shove my hands on my pockets, her parents walk into the living room and I bite my bottom lip and focus hard on the pictures in front of me, I feel their eyes on me but I can't look at them.

"Uhm wow... Did we interrupt something?" I hear Rachel growl and her parents laugh "So we did... Ok we're sorry, we'll be in our room then, let me know when... You know when" he clears his throat "we'll be in our room" I hear them walk away and I blush profusely I can't even look her in the eye, I don't know why I am so embarrased.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asks, I shrug my shoulders because I am not sure if I should.

"Do you think it'd be ok with your parents?" she nods.

"Of course it'd be ok silly you're all I've been talking about lately they want to get to know you so bad" I open my eyes wide, my hands are starting to shake.

"Do they" I clear my throat "do they hate me?" she chuckles and shakes her head again.

"Of course not Quinn" I nod and look down.

"Ok then... I guess, yeah" I look at her and she's blushing too and honestly it is one of the cutest things that I've ever seen.

* * *

><p>Both of her parents are looking at me with looks on their faces that I am completely unable to read it's making me go nuts.<p>

I am eating as slowly as I can just because I think that I will choke on my food at anytime.

"So Quinn, you've lived in London for what, ten years?" the tall dark skinned man looks at me with a smile on his face, I just nod and focus on the food in front of me "that sounds awesome I've always wanted to visit England but I've never had the chance" I clear my throat and look at him.

"I'd be honored to welcome you into my house if you ever do" he nods with a smile.

"That's really nice of you" I nod and smile, Rachel's eyes are locked in my face and I feel a million butterflies dancing around in my stomach.

"I've seen the Broadway play like fifty times now I think and the story is brilliant Quinn, also I've read all your other books and you're good, like hemingway good" I blush again and shake my head.

"That's... That's just not possible, I am not even close but thank you anyway I really appreciate it" he nods and I take a sip of my wine.

"I see you do eat like a normal person I like that, Rachel always misses my best dishes because of her weirdness" I smile and look at Rachel she's giving the death look to her dad and it makes me smile.

"She's... She's not weird she just cares too much about things, she's interested in everyone's feelings and well being, she cares about what almost anybody in the world care and that... That makes her special not... Not weird" I whisper the last part because I just realized that I said all that out loud and now everyone is staring at me, Rachel is beaming and her parents have huge smiles on their faces it makes me blush so I look down and focus on my food again.

* * *

><p>The dinner is over and I feel a little bit more like myself now, we're standing in front of her front door, she has a smile firmly plastered into her face and she's holding my right hand.<p>

"I hope you didn't regret staying for dinner today" I smile and shake my head.

"Of course I don't it was... Fun" I say and she playfully punches my right arm, I laugh and look at her in straight in the eyes.

"I want to tell you something but I am not sure if I should" I say with a barely audible tone, she squeezes my hand and smiles.

"Just say it" I bite my bottom lip and look up.

"I think this is the happiest I've ever been and I wanted to thank you for that" I see her blush and look away.

She smiles then opens and closes her mouth and smiles again, shakes her head, looks me in the eyes and laughs "this is... This is like a dream isn't it?" she asks and I can only nod because I feel the exact same way "when are you going back to London?" I shrug my shoulders because I don't really know I hadn't really thought about it.

"I don't know Rach maybe in a month or so I have to go sign the divorce and... I have to write another book but I can do that anywhere so I don't really know" she smiles and nods.

"That sounds good... Maybe you'll come see the play again in New York" she asks with the sweetest tone and she has no idea but she could get me to do anything with that cute voice, I nod, look down and smile.

"Yeah maybe I will" she bites her bottom lip and looks at me, I want nothing more than to lean in and...

"Would you... Can I see you tomorrow?, I am going back to New York the day after tomorrow so it'd be good to see you again" I nod.

"Of course" I say and she hugs me, I bury my nose on the crook of her neck and let her smell fill my senses it makes me dizzy, it makes me feel like I can fly and like everything it's possible.

I kiss her cheek and say good bye, she stays put in her front porch waving good bye...

* * *

><p>I am lying in my old bed smiling my biggest smile, I can't stop thinking about her or about the almost kiss, or about the way she smells, or about her voice, her little gestures, she's just fucking perfect in every way.<p>

I feel giddy, I feel like a teenager again just lying in bed thinking about their crush the whole night long, I wish I could go back in time and tell little me that everything would be ok, that she didn't need to cry herself to sleep over Rachel because she'd end up with her... Well at least that's what I hope for...

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so, so much for reading! and please let me know what you think.<strong>

I apologize for the amount of time it took me to upload this, life got in the way, thank you again and I'm sorry.

P.S. Happy holidays!.


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